This page is an extension of the "Minding Our Elders" weekly column in
The Forum. Along the side rail, you will find links to support groups, Web sites
and events.
Since I can't answer, online or in The Forum, every question sent to me or asked by e-mail, I will choose representative issues.
You, however, are free to discuss caregiving issues that you choose. All we ask is that you respect one another, and the people who are providing services for caregivers.
01/04/2009 Dear Carol: My mother, a devout Christian, received a gift I thought you may want to tell your readers about. Mom’s eyes are dim and her fingers gnarled by arthritis.
12/28/2008 Dear Readers: Many of you read the Dec. 20 Forum article about the new Medicare ranking system for nursing homes. I’m sure some of you were surprised and even upset by local ratings.
12/21/2008 Dear Readers: This is the time of year when many out-of-town adult children make the trek home to see their aging parents. Lately, after receiving several questions on this issue, I started thinking of my own experience with my folks.
12/14/2008 Dear Readers: I’ve attended several conferences, both in North Dakota and Minnesota, where I’ve met representatives of the Interagency Program for Assistive Technology.
12/07/2008 Dear Readers: A young woman of 32, Rosaria Vandenberg, known to friends and family as Za, was diagnosed with stage IV glioblastoma (a type of brain tumor).
11/30/2008 Dear Readers: Have you ever visited a doctor with an elder and wondered if that physician knows what it’s like to love someone who must live with such struggles?
11/23/2008 Dear Readers: I’ve been thinking lately about forgiveness. It seems forgiveness makes gratitude more accessible. And even in these tough economic times, most of us have much to be grateful for.
11/02/2008 Dear Carol: It’s fall again and my parents are headed south. They’ve done this every winter for nearly 20 years, and have a community in Arizona that is home to them.
10/26/2008 Dear Carol: My dad has been diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer’s. He’s on medication. He still drives and for the most part, is doing well, other than some shortterm memory issues. I’ve had people ask me if I should let him vote in the coming election. He voted in the primary, before his diagnosis, and I don’t see much change now. When do people need to be told they shouldn’t vote? – Kris
10/19/2008 Dear Readers: Every now and then I get a tip from a reader that is so compelling I must pass it on. This note about medication and lactose intolerance is one of those tips.
10/12/2008 Dear Readers: Medicare has launched a new site aimed at helping caregivers. I was fortunate enough to be included on a conference call with Kerry Weems, acting administrator for Centers for Medicare & Medicaid, before the Sept. 18 site launch.
10/05/2008 Dear Readers: My e-mail box has lately been bombarded with news releases describing new electronic wonders that will help our aging population. Some of these devices sound interesting, and some are just new twists on old ideas.
09/28/2008 Dear Readers: One of the rewards of what I do is that I learn so much from readers. I was talking with Anna, a woman who is both a reader and a friend. She’s been having a tough time because her in-laws, whom she dearly loves, are both having health problems. The whole family has been struggling, as most of us do when faced with the reality of an elder’s final journey.
09/25/2008 A Hubbard County comprehensive housing study shows that a high number of single-family homes in the county needs rehabilitation work and the household age is increasing.
09/21/2008 Dear Carol: My mom is in her 70s and is alert and fairly healthy. She has arthritis, which causes her quite a bit of pain. I’d like to see her be more active, as I think it would be better for her overall, but she says she doesn’t feel like it.
09/14/2008 Dear Readers: In-home care agencies are abundant in the metro area. Some are local only, and others are locally owned franchises. As with all care services, if you are looking for in-home care, ask for references. Also, as with all care options, it never hurts to stop by from time to time, to check on how care is going.
09/07/2008 Dear Carol: My mother is still able to live alone. I know she needs more help than I can give her, as I work full time. I’d like to see her have more company and more activities during the day but am not sure how to go about it. Any ideas? – Roger
08/24/2008 Dear Carol: My dad had a severe stroke and is in a very good nursing home. He was a military man and always rather rigid. I cringe when aides in the home use terms of endearment like “Hon.”
08/17/2008 Dear Readers: I’ve had the opportunity to review a new organizer for legal papers such as a will, power of attorney and health directive, along with bank accounts and other information a person’s legal heirs may need, and I’m quite taken with this model.
08/10/2008 Dear Readers: Some of you in North Dakota have received a brochure from the Department of Health and Human Services titled “Own Your Future: Planning for Long-Term Care.”
08/03/2008 Dear Readers: My sister was told by a colleague that this woman’s mother, who was viewing “The Lawrence Welk Show” on public television, has mentioned something to the effect that “Lawrence Welk looks wonderful. He just doesn’t age!” While most of us know that Welk died in 1992, we also know that his music lives on.
07/27/2008 Dear Carol: My parents still use a TV antenna, and I don’t think they are in need of cable, as they watch only a few programs, mostly local.
07/20/2008 Dear Readers: When memory slips become more persistent and we begin to wonder if “something is wrong,” testing for Alzheimer’s is often in the forefront of our thinking. Because of the prevalence of Alzheimer’s in news and research, it’s a natural response.
07/13/2008 Dear Carol: My dad is a widower in his early 70s. He’s quite healthy and I’d like to keep him that way. He never did cook, and I know he doesn’t eat well.
06/29/2008 Dear Readers: I’ve written about personal joys and sorrows during my many years of caregiving. I’ve also often mentioned that the spiritual side of helping others often got me through difficult circumstances.
06/15/2008 Dear Readers: The time between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is always introspective for me. Mother’s Day, in my mind, was a special day for my mother and mother-in-law.
06/08/2008 Dear Carol: My dad has vascular dementia and it’s getting hard to leave him alone. We’ve had some in-home care people come in to help, and we’re considering assisted living. However, the daughter of a friend is a certified nursing assistant who is not currently working for any agency. We’ve thought about hiring her to help on a daily basis.
06/01/2008 Dear Readers: There’s so much good information on memory research (blame it on the boomers), that it’s a challenge keeping up with it all. I watch studies and read books, just to see the new trends.
05/25/2008 Dear Readers: I’d recently read a “Dear Annie” column where an adult daughter wanted to know if there was an organization that grants last wishes to ill adults, similar to organizations that grant wishes to ill children.
05/18/2008 Dear Readers: One of the most transformative experiences of my own life was sitting with my Uncle Wilkes as he was dying. It was my first experience at a deathbed. My lasting memories of him include the way he kept reaching forward, grabbing at something or someone, as he was letting go of this life.
05/11/2008 Dear Carol: My mother is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. I know there are many levels of care in the metro area. How does a person decide what kind of care is needed at what time? – Glen
05/04/2008 Dear Carol: I read your article on adult day care. You suggested that people call it something else, like “the club,” as “day care” is thought of as something for children. I don’t mean to offend anyone, but does what you call the care service really matter to someone with Alzheimer’s?
04/27/2008 Dear Readers: In last week’s column, I promised to tell you more about the book “Could It Be Dementia? Losing Your Mind Doesn’t Mean Losing Your Soul.”
04/20/2008 Dear Readers: The RDO Community Responsibility Committee recently donated 28 miniature tractors to Hospice of the Red River Valley.
This thoughtful gift is about more than money.
04/13/2008 Dear Readers: I receive many questions from readers. I also receive many responses about columns I’ve written. However, no response has had such wisdom to share, along with such eloquent delivery, as the one that follows.
04/06/2008 Dear Readers: Last Sunday I wrote about the book “Because You Care,” by Kathryn Kilpatrick and Joanna Chernauskas, which is full of tips on helping friends through hard times.
03/30/2008 Dear Carol: I’ve got a good friend whose father, once the caregiver of her mother, has now developed Alzheimer’s disease. Her mother is dying from cancer. This is obviously a family in distress, however they are well-versed in how to get professional care and have people coming in from both hospice and in-home care. My question is what do I do as a friend? I want to do something, but everything I think of seems so trivial. – Erica
Dear Erica: I can assure you your friends won’t find your efforts trivial.
03/30/2008 Dear Carol: I’ve got a good friend whose father, once the caregiver of her mother, has now developed Alzheimer’s disease. Her mother is dying from cancer. This is obviously a family in distress, however they are well-versed in how to get professional care and have people coming in from both hospice and in-home care. My question is what do I do as a friend? I want to do something, but everything I think of seems so trivial. – Erica
Dear Erica: I can assure you your friends won’t find your efforts trivial. They obviously have a great deal to handle. Even with the most efficient and caring professionals at their sides, they need their friends. Sometimes all you have to do is ask specifically if they need something.
03/23/2008 Dear Readers: Last September, I wrote about Presto.com, a printer unit and e-mail service that can receive e-mail, photos, magazine articles and other mail that the family chooses to send to their elder.
03/16/2008 Dear Carol: My parents are doing well, however they are in their early 70s, and I’m worried about how to bring up sensitive topics like living wills and a power of attorney. How do we start asking about money issues and what they want when they die? It’s hard to bring these things up without sounding like we’re waiting for them to die, which we certainly are not. – Arnie
03/09/2008 Dear Readers: Many of you have expressed interest in books I’ve written about in past columns. They have all been for adults. Many children, too, enjoy books and can learn about life from them.
03/02/2008 Dear Readers: What is it about grocery stores? Jane Ahlin, in her Dec. 23 Forum column, wrote about bursting into tears while grocery shopping because an item she was buying brought back memories of her mother.
02/17/2008 Dear Readers: One of the most profound losses of independence an elder must face is the end of his or her privilege to drive. A fortunate few don’t face this loss until their ninth decade. However, the realities of weakening eyes, slowing response times and for some, mental decline, make driving cessation a fact of life for some in their 60s, and for many in their 70s and 80s.
02/10/2008 Dear Carol: My mother has early- to mid-stage Alzheimer’s disease. She is living with us for now, although she is on a waiting list for the nursing home of our choice.
01/27/2008 Dear Readers: The North Dakota Insurance Department sends out an excellent newsletter called the RxConnector. One subject addressed in the January edition references a December article in the Wall Street Journal, titled “Nursing homes struggle to kick drug habit.”
Compiled in this section of the Web site are useful
agencies, companies and providers to help you and your loved ones. View service
providers
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.jpg "Fred Nordstrom celebrated his 80th birthday by biking a remarkable 80 miles. (Jean Ruzicka / Enterprise)")
